What Does a SIR Do When There's Nothing To Do?
by DarkTheda
Summary: My first Fanfic! So... I accept constructive critizism! Yep. MAJOR INSANITY! It's about Gir... and in later chapters... aurgh... READ IT YOURSELF! MWAHAHAHAHHA! Chapter 5...COMPLETED! YEEHAW! DO A LITTLE DANCE!
1. Monroe, Kitty of DOOM!

DISCLAIMER: … There is no disclaimer! You see, I legally changed my name to Jhonen Vasquez! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Other Disclaimer: … I lied! I didn't change my name, ok? And I don't own Invader ZIM. Happy?

Our story begins with our hero, or enemy, depending whose side you're on, planning how to destroy the annoying large headed one! So, Zim finally decides to build a REALLLY BIIIG weapon! I will not tell you what it is, because I am a very mean writer. Anyway, Zim goes out with his secret weapon to destroy Dib, leaving the REAL star of the show, Gir, alone.

ALL ALONE.

Little Gir sits, watching the Scary Monkey show, which was about a very scary-looking monkey that stood around doing nothing. It was his all time favorite show, man! Oh how he loved that show! But then…. IT ENDED! So Gir had to find a different way to amuse his mind.

I started another paragraph! Give me prize…… Gir got on his earth disguise, which was that of a dog with a strange skin condition. It may be the same one Zim has, but I will not say. Anywho, Gir runs over to the 24Seven to buy a SuckMonkey. A chocolate Bubblegum flavored SuckMonkey. He does not pay. The clerk, who didn't notice his customer was a green dog, did not notice this either. So Gir hops out of the store… when he sees it….

A KITTY! Oh man! It was tiny, white, with gray paws, and blue eyes! It is cute, yes? Gir stretched out his arms, and ran over to this magnificent thing! "Tee hee! Come back! I want to name you Monroe!" Gir called out to "Monroe". Monroe started to run away. " I loooove you, Monroe! You shall come to my master's base, and play tea party with me and pig!" He then scooped up Monroe and hugged him. Monroe choked. He was not happy.

Gir, however, was oblivious to Monroe's desperate attempts to escape his embrace. He ran all the way home to play with him! That lucky kitty!

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW! Now review, and buy me some chicken wings. You will do this, because each review helps me afford a room in the crazy house! And you need extra to afford those pretty coats they have!


	2. Tea Party of DOOM!

MWAHAHAHA! I am back! Didja miss me? I want to thank my one reviewer…. ShadowdLynx! I'm glad you like this! No I'm not! Yes I am! I am very confusing…..

DISCLAIMER: My name is not Jhonen Vasquez, so I do not own Invader ZIM, and everything to do with that beautiful show! But I own Monroe the kitty! Do not steal him! Even if you put him under the name Monroe the kitten, Monroe the cat, or Monroe the giant flesh-eating mailman! Unless you have my permission….

Well… let's go back to the amazing ZIM! He had the very big weapon, and he went to Dib's house! His house was pink and girly! No! It was really normal looking, it even had the force field thing on! It doesn't repel aliens very well, though. Zim knocked on Dib's door, and Dib answered it. "Zim? What are you doing here- OH MY GOSH! LOOK AT THAT BIG- (censored so that you, the reader, STILL have no clue what Zim's weapon is.)!" Dib pointed at the huge thing Zim had. "Oh, yes. Large, isn't it? And I will use it to vaporize your disturbingly large head!"

Ok, Zim and Dib are BORING! Let's go back to Gir! Well, he had forced Monroe into a little pink dress and bonnet. Monroe did not look pleased with his new attire. And to top it all off, Gir had duct-taped him to a chair! And the chair was by the table! And…. they were having a tea party! Playing tea party was Gir, Monroe, and Pig. The tea had just been served, and Monroe was now trying to lap it up with his tongue. A 'ding!' was heard from the kitchen. "YAY! THEY IS DONE!" Gir shouted with joy. He skipped out to the kitchen.

Oooh…. I wonder how many words I have typed now! Tee hee! The kitchen was a complete disaster. There was flour, eggs, sugar, and other cooking supplies all over the place! I do not know why, because Gir didn't make anything that would need those ingredients. It is a mystery…. Well anyway, Gir opened the oven and pulled out some of them deeleeshuz Taquetos! YUM! And he had also been making bacon! So our favorite little SIR grabs them and runs back into the room where the party is being held! Yehaw! You like me good now, huh?

Gir served the Taquetos and bacon. When Pig saw the bacon, he squealed. Like how a piggy would squeal if it saw it's loved ones all fried up and edible. Now you can tell I am tired, eh? I need some food… Well, Monroe started to eat the bacon (Which made Pig cry louder), and he actually seemed to like it! MAN, THAT LUCKY KITTY! I WANT SOME TOO! Ahem, Gir ate all the Taquetos, and then rushed over to grab Monroe. He pulled him off the chair, and Monroe yowled, because the duct tape burned. Monroe was now missing some fur, by the way. Pig was still at the table, squealing.

"Let's go play, Monroe!" Gir screamed. So he ran down to Zim's labs, and who KNOWS what will happen to our kitty friend! I am mysterious….

YES! I HAVE FINISHED THIS PART! NOW I NEED AN AWARD! ONE THAT IS SHINY! Yes, and please review, I still need to get a nice, padded cell at the Crazy House!

I wonder what will happen next… hmm… will I ever tell you what Zim's weapon is? No one knows! BUY ME MENTOS!


	3. The Shock

Hey there! It's everyone's favorite writer, DarkTheda! And if I'm not you favorite by now, well, my army of giant green ducks will consume your head. I want to thank my friends, Josie and Marc for reviewing! And I also will thank ShadowdLynx and tidus4yuna, for kind reviews! I love you guys! You cannot tell this is my very first fanfic, eh? It is because I am AMAZING!

DISCLAIMER: I am not Jhonen Vasquez, so I own nothing, here, except Monroe!

"NOOO!" Screamed Dib, at Zim's words. "Wait…. MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Zim did his evil laugh. Oh, how I wish to have that laugh…. "Prepare yourself, Dib-Worm, for your destruction!" Zim activated his weapon, which I refuse to tell you what it is. I will not say what it did, because then you would know what Zim was using. So, anyway, Dib did the whole screaming in agony thing, and he started to fend himself with a rake. Which is stupid, like a RAKE is going to do anything.

Monroe was now shaking, very hard. He had never seen such a place before. Our kitty friend was scared. Pffft, the coward. Gir just smiled, and scooped up Monroe, and placed him on a platform. "Tee hee! We are gonna have fuuuun, Monroe. You wanna have fuuuun?" Gir squealed. Monroe's reply was a tiny "Mew!" Gir then had a mad fit of giggling. "Mista Scolex!" Gir called. Silence, then…. "Whaaaat?" Came a computer's voice. "Can me and Monroe play in master's base? Huh!" Gir asked, nearly screaming. "Uhhh…. No, the master wouldn't like it if you.." "But I WANNA!" Gir screeched. Heh, I like that word, 'screech'. Makes him sound like a raven or something. The computer sighed. "Very well. I don't think that mast…" "YAY!" Gir started to randomly push buttons. "Sigh…"

Monroe had curled up into a tiny ball, fearful. When he suddenly felt electricity go through his body. He let out a horrible screeching noise. (YAY! I used that word again! I must be very special!) Gir stopped playing around, and looked at Monroe. "Monroe…."

Oh, my! What has happened to Monroe? I will tell you later… my head hurts. Please review, for I still need to go to the Crazy House. And I also wrote something rather disturbing about Veggi Tales. (Shudders) So review that too. Please? I am very insane. (Sniffs)


	4. Larger Than His Head

Hi! Tis I, DarkTheda! I'm back! In black! I just had to say that…Well…. I want to thank my reviewers! ShadowdLynx, Josie, and…. ZNAKDOOM! Our newest reader! Give me pizza. Well, you guys are awesome! WHOOO! And now….

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT Jhonen Vasquez! I am DarkTheda! DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM DARKTHEDA! So I own nothing except Monroe.

Dib began to whack Zim's weapon with the rake. "Stand back! I have a rake!" "HA! A mere HUMAN rake? PATHETIC, DIB! STINKING HUUUUUMAAAAN!" Dib smiled. "Oh, who said it's a human rake, ZIM? Maybe it's an IRKEN rake." "Wha? WHAT IS THIS? Have you been stealing from ZIM'S base?" "Maybe." Dib stood there and smiled some more. "What's the matter, Zim? Afraid of a little RAKE?" Dib stood there, waiting for Zim's reply. The Irken Invader shook. Irken rakes were dangerous… and the Dib had his! Oh, silly Zim! It's really my rake, you see. Dib stole it. The thief. MY RAKE!

Meanwhile, with our little friends…..

Gir looked up, to see that once-adorable-Monroe was now…… LARGE! Even larger than Dib's head…. And that's pretty large. Monroe let out a mighty "MEOOOW!" And stood up, crushing the little platform. The computer gasped. Wait…. It gasped? That is one neat-o computer, man! Gir just screamed happily. "YAY! Monroe is all growed up now!" He said, brushing a tear from his eye. "They…they grow up soooo faaast." Looking up, the SIR waves at Monroe. "HI! I WANNA PLAY WITH YOU, MONROE!" He giggled. Monroe let out an Ultra-Peepi-like roar, and began to walk. "Wait! Come back! I wanna make biscuits!"

Monroe had created a hole in the base (Mr. Scolex was not happy), and he was now walking down the street singing do what diddy diddy dum diddy do! I had to say that! Did I get the words right? I don't know…. Well anyway, he was a giant kitty now! With super powers! Like MIGHTY MEOW and FIRE BREATH! He was so large and super, the mad cat woman was afraid of him! That's really bad, when the mad cat woman doesn't like one cat. Ya know?

Are you still reading this?

If you are, you have issues.

Why do you read my stuff?

Get off the computer, and run outside, singing folk tunes!

Do it.

Ok…… so you're just gonna read my stuff, huh?

Fine…… I'll finish the chapter!

Not much left anyway.

Back to Zim and Dib! Wheeee…. "You horrible little rat, stealing my rake!" Zim raised his weapon, ready to… do stuff. I will not say. Dib cringed in fear, but then…. He saw it. MONROE. Dib pointed to the giant kitty. "OH MY GOSH! THAT CAT IS HUGE! Is this YOUR work….ZIM?" "Wha?" Zim turned around, and saw the mighty kitty. "Hey, it IS huge! Even huger than your head." "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

Well….. That is the end of this chapter. Monroe is a super kitty! And you still have no clue to what Zim's weapon is! AND DIB HAS A LARGE HEAD.

Review, and I will get to the Crazy House sooner.


	5. Monroe is free!

Hey, there! I want to thank all those who reviewed in the past, and the two that reviewed the last chapter…. Benign, ShadowdLynx, and…… my mom. And I want to thank all my readers! WHOO! You guys are so awesome…… (Sniff) And I also want to thank all you lurkers… you read my stuff, but you don't review. Please don't be shy. I DEMAND THAT YOU REVIEW. .0

THE CHAPTER YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS THE NEXT PART TO A STORY SO WARM, HEARTFELT, AND CONSELING, THAT IT ACTUALLY INSPIRED A READER TO DRAW A PICTURE OF DIB WITH A RAKE! Don't you feel dandy now?

DISCLAIMER: ….. Do I even need one at this point? I AM NOT JHONEN VASQUEZ! All Invader ZIM characters belong to him. But I own Monroe. I OWN MONROE! So I actually own something….

Monroe didn't notice the two small figures point at his massive size. In fact, he didn't notice any of the small figures below him. Some were pointing at him, jaw agate, some were pointing at him, screaming about a giant kitty, some were screaming, running around in circles, some were silently vomiting at the sight of a large kitty, and some were buying hotdogs at a nearby Deeleeshus Weenie stand. I want one…… meh is hungry….

"MEOW!" Said Monroe. He then coughed up a giant hairball, it crushed a nearby building. Zim and Dib stared at him at awe. Then he coughed up fire, which made their eyes widen. My mother is singing something about flying chimpanzees. I am very scared. "Zim! Did you have anything to do with that giant kitty monster?" Dib called Monroe a monster. Th-that makes me feel sad. Grrrrr…. MONROE IS NOT A MONSTER! "Eh? OF COURSE NOT! I AM ZIM! Not one of your animal-taming-lords."

"WHEEEEE HOOOOO!" Gir had somehow managed to climb onto Monroe' head. "Let's go to the movies and watch the new piggy movie, Monroe!" Monroe, however, ignored Gir's request and headed to the cat food factory. He then began to eat, the building, the food, and maybe a few unlucky workers.

Zim had run back to the base, (noticing a large hole, he wasn't happy.) and he had retrieved the Voot Cruiser. He hopped inside it, and drove out to find Monroe. Zim eventually found him at the movies. "THANKS MONROE!" He heard Gir scream. "GIR! HE probably set the cat-beast free! THAT HORRIBLE ROBOT!" Zim thought. GASP! He doesn't like Monroe either. I am very sad. Anyway, Zim started to shoot lasers at Monroe, but being large, they didn't affect him much. Monroe coughed up some fire again, and it hit Zim's Voot. Screaming, Zim ejected, and landed on Monroe's head. "HORRIBLE EARTH MONSTER! I…" But because DarkTheda is out of ideas, Monroe started to chase a butterfly. Zim screamed and held on for dear life. Then Dib used his rake (Or MY rake) to do some raking stuff. So I guess this took place in the fall. Eh….

THE MISRABLE END.

You are sad now. Believe me. The story is over. But you want more. Oh how do you want more…. Well, just keep an eye out for me, I will return…..

I am DarkTheda.

Review or feel my wrath.


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